Sam Taylor Wood

The Times Magazine, May 2010

Sam Taylor-Wood leads the way out onto the roof terrace of her office-cum-HQ close to London's Barbican and, to her obvious relief, sees that a table has been set there. "I'm afraid food is going to have to be involved," she says, her right hand tracing the curve of her belly. "If I go somewhere and there's nothing to eat I turn into a complete and panicking wreck, so I rang ahead. 'Hello? Pregnant woman alert!'"

It's as if not even she can quite believe her current status. "Jeans that fitted me just two days ago no longer fit me today. How does that happen? No, don't tell me. Obviously, I know. And look! Even these ..." That the top two side buttons of a replacement pair of dungarees have had to be left undone provokes the first of many smiles that will accompany our lunchtime conversation. At 43 and into the seven month of her pregnancy - indeed right now, she is Britain's most famous woman-with-child - Sam Taylor-Wood is happy to the max.

Not even our obsession with the fact that the father of the artist and now film director's soon-to-be-born baby is 19-year-old actor Aaron Johnson, the brooding young lead of her recent debut feature, Nowhere Boy (and currently in UK cinemas as the wannabe super-hero in Kick-Ass) can dim her exuberance. Taylor-Wood claims not to be insulted or even irritated by the fact that we seem to have been collectively knocked down with a feather at the very idea of cross-generational parenting in which the woman is the older partner. Instead, she declares herself baffled. "I'm in love, I'm blissfully content and I'm pregnant. No one's getting hurt. We're in a loving relationship. We're engaged. Everyone who matters is happy. Hang on ... Exactly which bit of that do I have to defend or apologise for?"

Guileless and open, Taylor-Wood emits a low-level excitement so palpable it is contagious. It is only her second full day back in London, she tells me. She and her two daughters from an 11-year marriage to dealer and gallery owner Jay Jopling (one that saw them become the golden couple of contemporary British art and she one of its highest-profile female practitioners) had accompanied Johnson on the US promotional trip for Kick-Ass. It was a productive visit: Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman's flashy and controversial film topped the box office charts on opening there. The girls then returned safely with their nanny, only for the Icelandic ash cloud to erupt a day later, leaving she and Johnson in limbo in Los Angeles for a further eight days, unable to fly. "I must have burst into tears five times a day, which is so not me 'cos I can handle anything. But factor in all the hormones ... 'Thank God for normal faces and breasts that move,' I thought, on finally getting back. 'Thank God for good old England'.'"

It is, she says, an exciting time within the north London home that she and Angelica, 13, and Jessie, three, now share with Johnson. "Both girls think the baby is going to be their personal ally: 'It's going to be my friend.' 'No, mine.' The little one definitely thinks of it as hers and keeps asking, 'Is my baby coming today?' "Not for a little while yet,' I tell her. It's all very sweet."

She and Johnson have chosen not to know the sex of their child in advance of its birth. "We went for one scan where they said, 'The legs are crossed so there's no way we can tell.', and we both thought, 'It doesn't want us to know and that's just fine."

That she is pregnant at all is evidence of Taylor-Wood's remarkable physical, mental and spiritual resilience. She has twice overcome cancer - of the colon (she received the diagnosis aged 30 and just weeks after Angelica's birth) and of the breast (three years later she underwent a mastectomy). It is her habit now to say that being confronted with her own mortality in this way has left her frightened of nothing other than hospital doorways. It has also given her a defiant pride in her own post-operative body, one celebrated in this Times shoot by David Bailey. "While I'm not completely confident about myself, I do view my scars as medals, as badges of honour. Each one tells its own story. In the old pre-pregnancy days of drinking, if someone said to me, 'Oh, I've been left with this mark ...', then I'd be going, 'Well, wait 'til you see this then. [Here, she pantomimes lifting a top and tugging down a waistband.] I think it'll outdo yours."

Laughing, she applies herself heartily to the hummus, bread and salad that an assistant has just laid out before us. "People keep telling me I'm really tiny for seven months and I actually got sent back for another scan just to check everything's OK, which it is. The baby's growing fine," she continues between mouthfuls. "I think it's just nervous energy that's stopping me from being bigger because I do eat a lot, as you can see. And wait until you see me with chocolate. Oddly, I've also got this craving for chilli sauce. I could eat it on everything but have had to stop, because hot sauce equals heartburn."

Taylor-Wood first met Johnson when he turned up to read for the role of the young John Lennon during the Nowhere Boy casting process. "He came straight in off a 14-hour shoot for Kick-Ass and before heading back for an afternoon's stunt training. He was exhausted but this was his one opportunity to audition. And despite having been playing American for months, he switched straight into Liverpudlian and Lennon with such sureness and self-possession. I sensed immediately he was the actor I needed, even though I had hundreds more yet to see."

Still a teenager, Johnson has been working professionally since the age of six (his first role was in a West End production of Macbeth that starred Rufus Sewell). And while neither he nor she has specified the point at which - during or after Nowhere Boy's nine-week shoot - the relationship between the two tipped over from professional to personal, both seek to dismiss any relevance in the 24-year age difference between them. Interviewed recently on TV by Jonathan Ross and after declaring Taylor-Wood to be in spirit far younger than her numerical age, Johnson deemed himself "an old soul", a term she now repeats. "That's definitely what he is. Since childhood he's spent so much time away from home and in the company of established actors. I think it made him grow up pretty fast. This whole age thing is abstract to us anyway. We don't ever think about it. He's more mature now than are a lot of men my age.

"He stops me from spinning out and being a complete nutter, which I'm definitely capable of. He grounds me and keeps me calmer. In fact, he was going to come along this morning but at the last minute was called away to do something else." The very fact of talking about Johnson directly has caused Taylor-Wood to beam and, self-conscious for a moment, she looks down and studies her orange-painted toenails (her fingernails are blush pink). Of course, he's very handsome too, I offer ... "Yes. Yes, he is. He's just so lovely. I really wish you could meet him."

Her girls took to him readily, she says, and he to them, so much so that he is now an active participant in the school run. When the subject of him being their future stepdad was broached, Angelica's considered response was, "It's so much better than you bringing some random fat bloke into our lives." "I was like, 'Why would I be seeing a random fat bloke? Thanks for aiming so high for me!' Her reaction both made me happy and made me laugh." And because, she says, Johnson's own parents are "much older than me" she in turn has been spared the potential embarrassment of being introduced to future in-laws who are her own age or even younger.

All the important people are on side then (in addition to their families, his and her respective friends are said each to be enthusiastic about the other's new love) and that is all the couple needs. "Since my illnesses, there's definitely an element of carpe diem to the way I live my life," says Taylor-Wood. "My attitude to pretty much everything is, 'This is what we're doing. This is where we're going. Why are you so interested?' I mean, if it doesn't bother us ['it' being the age difference], why should it bother you? My other strategy is to try not to read any comments written about me by commentators. I did in the past and could be left thinking, 'This person has never met me. How can they say this? It's a horrible feeling when you think someone who doesn't even know you is taking it upon themselves to judge you."

Though voyeuristic in part, not all interest implies judgment, I suggest. Many people will simply think, 'Good Luck to them. Fair play. Be happy.' But everyone does the maths - not necessarily unkindly, but out of simple curiosity: 'OK, that means when he's 40 she'll be 64. And when he is ...' She stops me short. "On paper I had a great marriage. I had what looked like the whole fairytale but it didn't work and didn't last." [She and Jopling have publicly described their divorce as amicable and remain friends.] "Who knows what will endure and what won't? Age isn't the key issue in relationships. A lot of other factors come into play. People get together and then they break up but without rhyme or reason, not because of their respective ages. It's about compatibility and the decisions you make in life. Anything else is irrelevant."

Truly? If Angelica came to her in six years' time and said she were in love with a man in his 40s, wanted to have his child and to marry him, can Taylor-Wood say she would receive the news positively, without second thought or judgment? "Hand on heart? If he's wonderful and she's happy then absolutely. I'd have to be non-hypocritical on that one," she insists.

So what if someone else of her age, female or male, approached her for advice on whether or not to get romantically involved with a 19-year-old? "I'd ask, 'Are you in love with them? Yes or no?' That's all that matters. It really is all that matters. I've never been happier or more secure in a relationship. What I feel is total contentment. I'm not worried about anything. I feel happy, calm and like we have lots and lots to look forward to."

Did the question of whether or not it was safe to get pregnant again at 43 worry her? "No. Not really. It was thrown out there as an idea and we were both like, 'Well, OK. Let's see...' And then it happened. You know, when it comes to philosophy, I'm much closer to Doris Day than I am to Nietzsche. I'm a great fan of and believer in Que Sera, Sera. It's what I sing to my little one when she's in bed. She knows all the words."

And her advice to any other woman of a similar age, debating whether or not to try for a child? "Go for it. If you can, why not? If you can have children and want them, then do it. You know, this whole age obsession thing is funny. If I were going out with another woman, you wouldn't ask me what advice I'd give to someone contemplating doing the same thing. If I were in a mixed race relationship, you wouldn't say, 'Well, so what's it like?' People in love don't see gender, colour or religion. Or age. It's just all about the love. It's about the other person, the one that you love and who loves you. You don't think of them in terms of a label. You just go with your heart. This, if anything, is what I find frustrating, the having to think of ways for people to accept our (she and Johnson's) situation. You try and try and eventually you just think, 'Oh, fuck it.'"

Taylor-Wood has training when it comes to living with that which quickly becomes normalcy to her but seems strange to outsiders. Born to a yoga teacher mother and biker father, she spent her early childhood in south London. Then one day her dad left on a round-the-world ride and didn't reappear in her life for a whole 10 years. Her mum eventually got married again, this time to a fellow yoga-ist, and the family decamped to a commune in Sussex, all swamis, orange robes and Sanskrit names. The young Sam hated it. Later, when she was 15, her mother did the same abrupt disappearing act, leaving her and her sister behind with a step-father and much younger half-brother. Already fact sounds like fiction, so it is no wonder she struck out on her own a year later, enrolled at Hastings art college and soon afterwards began an eight-year relationship with fellow student Dinos Chapman, younger of the two Chapman brothers. Damien Hirst-era Goldsmiths College eventually followed, then marriage to Jopling.

All of which makes the fact that she and Johnson have become engaged seem rather, well, old-fashioned and lovely. Taylor-Wood visibly melts at my mention of their joint status. "It was so romantic. I had zero idea it was going to happen and what was even more romantic is that he designed the ring himself and planned to have it made about six weeks beforehand." She raises her left hand, displaying a solitaire diamond set in gold and platinum, one far too tasteful to be accurately termed a sparkler but a considerable sparkler nonetheless. "Isn't it beautiful? And that he did it all himself? Isn't it just great?"

Will she say how the proposal was made? "I can't. I just can't. I'm really sorry but some things have to stay between the two of us. Except to say that it was ridiculously, beautifully romantic." Similarly, the where and when of a future wedding are not for discussion or disclosure, other than that it is likely to be a very private affair and certainly not one that will be auctioned off to a celebrity mag. "How can people?" she wonders aloud. "What on earth are they thinking of?"

But the first priority now is the safe arrival of the baby. "I feel good and am very excited. I can't wait. Except that I can, 'cos I'm sleeping quite well at the moment and I do need my sleep. There won't be much of that for a while when it arrives." So saying, she cradles her stomach again, which prompts a question. Clearly, she has every reason to be grateful to - and proud of - the body that has carried her through so much and on to this point of intense personal happiness. But to expose it in such a way for the camera and for public record? Surely that was a big deal? Taylor-Wood nods an emphatic Yes.

"Because it is very intimate and on two levels. It's a wet t-shirt and I'm heavily pregnant, have a big belly and feel vulnerable. But also I've been pretty badly mutilated and scarred by all my experiences of illness. So I just have to hope that it will be fine and not too shocking for people."

She is also a great fan of the legendary photographer, trusts and has posed for him twice before. "It's like you step through a door into Bailey World, this extraordinary environment where he dominates everything but in a very good way. When I got the call saying, 'Do you mind if he shoots you in a wet t-shirt?', I laughed and replied, 'I expected nothing less.' The last time he took my picture he said, 'OK, I'll cut to the chase. Let's have you down to your knickers.' And you go along with it. Only after he's gone do you think, 'Doh! I've done it again!' He's such a funny and irreverent man, so charming and compassionate, that you can't help getting swept along by his ideas. I love him."

Of course, she is no slouch herself when it comes to instilling trust from the other side of the lense. In 2002 and under commission from the National Portrait Gallery, she made a video portrait of a sleeping David Beckham. And her photographic series Crying Men depicted 28 actors ¬- among them Jude Law, Daniel Craig, Ed Harris and the late Paul Newman - in intimate scenes of distress. "I had to gain that trust in a very short time. I don't know exactly how I did it but I did. I remember one of the men going almost immediately into complete and utter breakdown before me, which I found phenomenal and amazing. If a photographer has asked me to do the same thing, I couldn't have given so readily."

And yet here she is, having made a different, yet more impressive leap of faith artistically, from photography and video into mainstream film directing. How did she find the self-belief to make that transition? "As I say, nothing really frightens me these days apart from hospitals. Having been shown the mortality door a few times now, my approach is not, 'Am I ready for this challenge?' but 'This is an amazing opportunity'."

Taylor-Wood had been encouraged in her ambitions by director friends Joe Wright (Atonement) and the late Anthony Minghella, with whom she had collaborated on the short film Love You More in 2008. Nowhere Boy is not a straightforward biopic, but concentrates on the early life of John Lennon up to the point at which he joins The Beatles. Central to its narrative are the complex relationships he had with his birth mother and his Aunt Mimi, who largely brought him up (the women are played by Anne-Marie Duff and Kristin Scott Thomas respectively). Despite a disappointing UK box office, it was well received by critics and was the closing presentation at last autumn's London Film Festival. Its US cinema release has been delayed until October, to coincide with the 70th anniversary of Lennon's birth. "Which means I'm going to have to get my mind out of post-baby mush mode pretty quickly in order to get back over there and promote it. They seem to love it and think it could be big."

Already it has acted as a calling card in Hollywood. "I had a few meetings while I was out there with Aaron. It's funny waddling into these high-powered situations pregnant, especially if they haven't been told in advance. You can see them thinking, 'Oh shit!', which probably means I'm going to have to try that bit harder to prove myself. You find yourself reassuring them, 'I do already have children. I know what it is to multi-task'."

In each such encounter she has been asked what kind of film she would like to make next and her answer is always the same, "A good one". "Which isn't as easy as it should be. Because of the economic situation, it's all about playing safe and recouping money. The majority of scripts are just so predictable. I learnt a new word while I was there - dromedy', meaning a drama comedy. [Here she adopts a nasal American whine.] 'We're only interested in making dromedies right now. You know, like Marley and Me?"

There will be relatively little time off then, after the impending birth? "If I haven't got enough going on, I get a bit mopey. I'm definitely more comfortable in the eye of the storm than when surrounded by peace and calm. Give me 1,000 tasks and I'm in my element." As in the old adage, 'If you want something done, ask a busy person?' "I think you'll find it's 'Ask a busy woman'," Taylor-Wood corrects me, before excusing herself to head indoors in the urgent pursuit of chocolate.

Copyright © 2020 Alan Jackson

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